The Internet: A Glossary

I love you = we are both on the Internet, and we agree about something

shut it all down = I’m going to stay right here and not leave the Internet and keep reading this

#FF = here is a list of people I am hoping will eventually notice and follow me back

threw shade = I am a straight person who learned about the phrase “threw shade” in the last eight months

THIS = I have no insight to add

I can’t even = I am having, at most, one feeling

shots fired = I have never heard a gun go off in real life; here is a mildly provocative article about food

this is everything = this is one thing, maybe two things at best

(via The Toast, because that’s where I wrote it)